Last Updated on September 22, 2024 by Dave Schoenbeck
Written several years ago, the simple article “Top Five Regrets of the Dying” recounts the lessons a hospice worker in Australia learned from her departing patients.
As Bronnie Ware, a former palliative care worker, shares, “For many years, I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some extraordinary times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.” Her unique perspective offers a profound insight into the regrets of the dying.
People grow a lot when they are faced with their mortality. I learned to appreciate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced various emotions, as expected: denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial, and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed, though, every one of them.
Common themes surfaced repeatedly when questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently. Here is one of the most common comments:
“I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”
Often, they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks, and tracking them down was not always possible. Many had become so caught up in their lives that they had let golden friendships slip by. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. However, it is not money or status that holds importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually, they are too ill and weary ever to manage this task. It all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks: love and relationships.
Sorry for the bummer blog article, but in the whirlwind of our business lives, this has surely happened to you. I have certainly been guilty of finding the time to stay in touch with my old friends over the years. So, I am now focused on reconnecting with my former business colleagues and friends to ensure I won’t have this worry someday. I hope you will do the same.
Coach Dave
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Each year as part of my New Year’s resolution I commit myself to stop and make a phone call as soon as I can after someone pops into my mind. Whether it be someone I’ve only have seen or spoken to or someone from year’s past, I stop what I’m doing and make that phone call. It’s been wonderful catching up with old friends and co-workers from years ago. Just recently I’ve reconnected with a co-worker from 30 year’s ago. It’s been fun reconnecting and how touched she was to learn that I took the time to reach out after so many years. Very refreshing for both of us.
A common misconception is that staying in touch with friends IS time-consuming. Take advantage of alerts like Facebook birthday reminders and LinkedIn work anniversary notifications – a quick line to a long-time friend on these occasions let’s them know you care and can often open a channel for a more in-depth catch up.
Sad but true. I think one way to “find time” is to call friends while driving around doing errands. In between each destination make a call. It might seem like you’re not giving them enough time to catch up but you probably weren’t giving them any time at all. So which is better?